Today was an eye-opening experience as a teacher. It’s the first Friday afternoon of the school year. For our 4th graders, this is the first time they haven’t had early dismissal after lunch like in their K-3 years. Being the only ones on campus when their siblings are done for the day can be hard to sell, but I try to reserve these afternoons for fun projects, teamwork challenges, and choice time.
As in typical first week tradition, I had my class put together our Room 14 Puzzle to display in our front window. Each person decorates a piece and they have to work together as a team to solve the puzzle. I don’t tell them what it will make (at the start) but some make a guess as it starts to form.
In activities like this, I can learn a lot about the culture of a class. Natural leaders step up to take charge. Natural followers listen to what they’re told by their peers. And some kids wait until all the work has been done by the majority of their group, and squeeze their puzzle piece in the 1 empty spot (not “initiative” but definitely a strategy for efficiency! Ha!)
Being my 10th year, I have made it an intention to respond to teachable moments as they arise, but also to let students “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” This is a large factor of fostering a growth mindset, and an important component in building the traits of perseverance and grit.
And boy was it hard for them.
As they started the puzzle, I let them fully take the lead as I sat back and my desk and “appeared” to be distracted in my own work. Instead, I was observing, recording notes about personality traits, documenting the amount of time it took to get an idea started, and the approximate times that certain groups of students got frustrated and burned out. That window was quick. Within the first 4 minutes of the task. A few decided they didn’t like how others were taking lead, or they felt “bossed around” and quickly went to their seat. The difference this time was that they didn’t go to their seat disengaged because they had gotten bored. They were frustrated, and turned that frustration into gossip and complaining.
It took all my strength and willpower not to do the typical teacher move and come over and rescue those whose feelings were hurt and kindly suggest that the bossy leaders take a step back and let others have a turn. Instead, for 13 long minutes, I sat there observing how they handled their conflict. A few students came to me, asking for structure and suggesting that I have everyone rotate in for equal turns after 5 minutes. Others stuck it out, not knowing how to participate but also not wanting to give up. It got brutal as the train they’d hopped on was veering toward failure and frustration rather than success.
At the 13 minute mark, I stopped the clock, had them all go back to their seats, take a deep breath, and debrief. We talked about the difference between “Glows” (things that went well) and “Grows” (things that needed improvement), and their suggestions for how to solve the issue at hand. Then, each student got 5 minutes to reflect and share their opinion.
After some deep discussion and reflection around the suggestions, they came up with the plan to divide and conquer. To start by finding a match to their puzzle (similar to the “find someone who…” activity I’d intentionally had them do earlier today) and only once they found a match, then try to add it to the larger puzzle, so there would be less conflict and crowding.
It was still tough, but in 6 minutes (less than half the time it took the first round) they were able to start fresh and complete the rest of their puzzle. Some smiles appeared, but no where near the cheers and excitement as in past years, because the struggle in the journey overpowered their excitement in seeing the end product.
My Takeaways:
- Let the struggle happen. In my earlier years, I never would have had the chance to see how the students stepped up to handle the situation, because I would have handled it for them. Yes, there was some awkwardness. Yes, there were a few feelings hurt. And yes, some students were looking to me for guidance and I chose to sit back and observe. But what message am I sharing if every time a challenge or conflict arises, I jump in to be the problem solver because I don’t trust that they are capable of doing it themselves. They are capable. They have a voice. They just needed me to facilitate it so everyone could be heard. I never would have had the chance to do that if I had jumped in at the first sign of struggle.
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This goes twofold. The students needed the experience of being uncomfortable with the struggle and not letting themselves give up. About a third of the class literally handed someone their puzzle piece and sat at their seats when they didn’t like how it was going. I had to get comfortable with not being in the “rescuer” role. I’m not a mother yet, but the first example that comes to mind is the recommendation to new moms to let the baby cry, to let them learn to self-soothe. What we model as adults in the decisions we make, the cautions we share (“Oh Johnny, don’t climb on that! You might get hurt!”), and the timing in when we choose to step in to “fix” something shares a message with children. Whether intended or not, the message shows that there is a conflict the child can’t handle themselves, and that an adult is needed to fix it. I’ve been on both ends of that situation, both as a child/student, and as an adult/teacher. I think getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is more difficult the older we get, and ever more reason to try it with intention.
This year, we will focus a lot on building the soft skills students will need to be successful. As educators, we can talk all we want about building a “growth mindset” and valuing grit, perseverance, and problem solving. But if we don’t actually give students (and ourselves) authentic experiences to practice and build these skills, we’re just telling them these skills are important without the opportunities to actually grow.
So… that first week of school puzzle activity may just look like a “filler” to the teacher who is worried about not having enough time to “cover” all of their curriculum before testing, but how I define success in a year is not whether or not they can excel on that test. Yes, do I want them to do well and show what they know? Of course. But is that going to define who they are and prepare them for the world beyond fourth grade?
Not at all.
It is the attitude, the confidence, the communication skills, the ability to be comfortable with letting themselves struggle a bit in order to achieve a goal. That is what building a growth mindset means to me. Not watching a video here or there, singing a song, or reading one book on how the brain works. It is creating a learning culture where lessons are authentic, teaching is more like timely coaching and facilitation, and risks and reflection are experienced and modeled by both teacher and student.
Letting struggle happen alerts all the red flags in my former perfectionist nature. And it is all the reason more for me to push past what is uncomfortable, and simply give it a try.
For more reading on this topic, check out:
TED Talk- Angela Lee Duckworth- Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance
TED Talk- Luvvie Ajayi- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
Forbes- Why Feeling Uncomfortable Is The Key To Success
What is something you can do for yourself or your class to get comfortable with being uncomfortable? Share your ideas in the comments below!
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