“I hate writing. I love having written,” Kelly Boswell says as she leads a room full of eager teachers at her writing workshop seminars. This saying has always stuck with me because the feeling is mutual. I hate writing (or at least have strongly disliked writing for many years). That said, upon contemplation, I realized there are actually quite a few things I “strongly dislike” doing in the moment, some of which I consider favorite activities. Here’s the main one that comes to mind:
I HATE… running.
An odd comment to say for someone who loves playing sports. Basketball? 4 quarters of back and forth sprinting. Soccer? Essentially a 90-minute test of endurance and willpower. But when it comes to running… the treadmill, a neighborhood street, the trail… I always come to the same conclusion. I hate it.
Here’s how a typical run goes. Welcome inside my thoughts:
Initial thought- “I should go for a trail run! I’ve been sitting all day, it’ll be good for me, and if I’m tired, it can always just turn into a hike.” (Notice how I trick myself into having an out. Mistake #1.)
1 mile in- “Ooh, this is a little harder than I thought it would be. I’ll just take a little walking break. No! That’s wimping out. Would I encourage the (basketball) players I coach to give up at the first sign of fatigue? No way. It’s only a mile. Pull it together and keep going.” (I tend to have a “tough coach” persona motivate me through the early stages.)
2 miles in- “This was a stupid idea. My ankle is still sore from when I got kicked in the soccer game two months ago. Now I’m going to be too tired to work out tomorrow. I’m only 2 miles in. How pathetic. I am not a runner. I should just call myself a hiker.” (Oh boy, does the negative self talk come out… it’s not healthy, nor is it productive, but more than a mile in, it sure makes itself known. Despite how many times I’ve played this game, that nagging voice still comes out. The difference in moving forward is whether I choose to listen.)
Welcome to the GROAN ZONE.
The groan zone is that point where you feel so stuck and down that you seriously consider turning back and giving up. In a run, it’s the point before what you’ve determined as halfway (be that time or distance) where you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, so negativity tries to outweigh the soon to be achieved benefits.
I first heard of the “groan zone” when introduced to Sam Kaner’s Diamond Model of Participation, during a teacher leadership workshop held by my district. It was going to be my first official time as lead facilitator for a group of fellow educators (little did I know that the experience would lead to my full-time role as an instructional coach/Teacher on Special Assignment, but that’s another story). Since then, it has always stuck with me as a reminder of the phases we go through, be it collaborative or even a solo project.
The Diamond Model- a quick summary:
You and your teammates are faced with a problem. As you start to brainstorm, you collaborate and welcome diverse perspectives (divergent thinking), even ones that do not fit within the constraints. In design thinking, this phase is the space for wild ideas. Just like improv, it’s the “Yes and…” game where quantity rules over quality. You’re still optimistic at this point because the journey has just begun.
And then WHAM! The emergent phase happens. Enter the Groan Zone. In collaboration, you’re at a phase where your team is tasked with making some tough decisions. Which idea(s) do you prioritize? How do you facilitate the shift from sticking by your opinion (because obviously yours is “right”) to truly seeing and hearing the opinions of others? How do you rank which idea to pursue? How do you move from divergent thinking into convergent thinking in order to reach a solution, a place of closure? Do you just turn back, call it a day, and pick up the project tomorrow? Or worse, scrap the project and start something new?
First step- Recognizing you’re in the groan zone. Too often when challenges come up, we tend to not accurately identify them for what they are. When you know you’re in the groan zone, you can switch from all of that negative self-talk, and instead switch to productive action steps to help move along in the process. Carrie Cappel has some great strategies in this blog post on moving from groan zone to growth zone.
In the Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision-Making, Sam Kaner shared,
"When people experience discomfort in the midst of a group decision- making process, they often take it as evidence that their group is dysfunctional. As their impatience increases, so does their disillusion with the process. Many projects are abandoned prematurely for exactly this reason. In such cases, it's not that the goals were ill conceived; it's that the Groan Zone was perceived as an insurmountable impediment rather than as a normal part of the process."
While my process of running was a solo venture, unlike Sam Kaner’s suggestions for collaborative tasks, I believe the “groan zone” is well and alive all the same. Instead of misidentifying struggle as “evidence that their group is dysfunctional,” in personal matters, the negative self-talk that comes with struggle often leads to negative mindset around identity. “I’m not a runner. I should just stick to hiking.” These statements are untrue, and with even the most basic knowledge of growth mindset, we know better than to limit ourselves just because we’re faced with some struggle. If anything, new discoveries in neurology tell us the exact opposite, that brain plasticity means that anyone can learn new things to high levels. See this article by Stanford mindset mathematics professor, Jo Boaler, for more on that topic.
So, what groan zone are you in right now with your life?
What goal have you started that has led you to feeling stuck? Maybe you’re feeling unmotivated given the current stress of shelter in place. Maybe you’re scared to take the next step because it requires a leap of faith. Maybe it’s just that you’ve lost sight of all of the steps you’ve taken this far in your journey and you’re quick to see the mistakes or hardships as walls, not simple hurdles to pass.
I’m here to tell you that the time is now. Whatever it is you’re in process of, know that it too shall pass. And when you’re on the other side, the place where a task has been accomplished or a problem solved, you’ll know that the groan zone was fully worth it.
Find your ___-ing, whether it’s running, studying, working, organizing, creating… the -ing is just the process. There will inevitably be struggle. You will be faced with failures, challenges, and mistakes. But that does not mean YOU are a failure. So take the first step. You’ll feel better once you’ve reached your destination.
Push through.
You got this.
